If you are traveling home for break this year like I am, then I’m sure you can relate to having to answer these questions.
1.) How is school going?
Short (and Polite) Answer: “It’s going very well! Thank you for asking.”
Long (and Painfully More Realistic) Answer: “It’s horrible. This past semester I have been up to my eyeballs in homework. Every. Single. Night. I spend about five out of the seven days of the week in the library. In fact, if it was allowed, I would probably set up camp in the library so I wouldn’t have to walk back and forth from my dorm to my designated study cubby. However, walking to and from the library is my main source of exercise these days. Well, that and walking up and down the stairs of the library to get free coffee. Speaking of coffee, my diet these days is mainly just coffee, Red Bull, and Cheetos. Mostly coffee, though. So much coffee. Does that answer your question?”
Reason why this question bothers me: Typically, my goal for when I am at home during any type of break is to not talk (or think) about school. For this one blessed week, I get to sit around and watch Netflix with a significant decrease in the amount of guilt I feel while doing it.
2.) So, what are you going to do with your major after school?
Shorter Answer: Blank stares are always my first reaction, and when those are not enough I usually just rattle something off that might sound like a respectable, professional answer… “Well, you see, I’ve been looking into Public Relations and representing a wide variety of corporations since I’m a people person… blah blah blah.”
Long (and Honest) Answer: “I have no idea what I want to do with my major. I know I hate math and science so I’ll probably stay away from anything that has to do with that. I like traveling, and I like to eat a lot. Do you think there is anything available for that? The skills listed on my resume include, ‘Can quote movie scenes flawlessly,’ and, ‘Ate 7 1/2 pancakes, the size of my face, in one sitting.’ Most people are impressed with those skills, or at least I am. I think it’s important to impress yourself first. One time, a high school aptitude test told me I was well suited to become a magician. Do you think that sounds like a good idea?”
Reason why this question haunts my dreams at night: I’m sorry, I didn’t realize at age twenty I was supposed to have the rest of my life figured out. I have a hard time planning on what I want to do tomorrow, let alone what I want to do for the rest of my life. Every time I think about life after college, my palms start to sweat a little and I get a little anxious because that means I have to join the real world.
3. Have you been seeing anybody lately?
Shortest Answer: “No.”
Longer Answer: “Well, I mean I see a lot of guys. I see a lot of them walk away after they see my impression of Mr. Napkin Head. Oh, you meant like dates and courting, and gentlemen friends. Uh… Well…. Umm…” and that is usually where I stop.
Reason why this question makes me so shifty: I haven’t had a whole lot of luck in the dating department since ever. Even when I do start dating someone, I hate having to answer these type of questions because relatives always bring up things I’m not ready to think about, like love, marriage, and children. At this point in my life, I am perfectly content being single and I know that when something happens, it will happen. Until then, I would rather stop talking about it.